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☆ How Mother Figures Impact Our Lives
▼ + stars: | 2024-05-09 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +13 min

For Mother’s Day, The Times asked readers to tell us about the mother figures in their lives. KELLY SANDOVAL, 48, SQUAMISH, B.C., CANADAI come from a multicultural background, but the Puerto Rican side of the family lived far away. When I showed up, Linda, my host mother, picked me up from the bus stop and made me tea and crumpets. If I had a nightmare and woke my mother up, she would tell me to climb into bed with Rita. During that year I also moved into my first apartment, away from the guidance of my mother.

Persons: Sara Walcott, “, ”, Walcott, Ruth, she’d, JUDITH SHAPIRO, Halbeck, ZEVA OELBAUM, Jacqueline, ” Jacqueline, It’s, JESSICA CHAHINE, Patty, darlin, KELLY SANDOVAL, Alina, “ Fallon, FALLON ALVAREZ, Linda, We’re, BELLA MUNTZ KIRCHNER, AUSTIN , TEXAS Tenzin, CHANTAL TORTOROLI ROBERTS, Mom, idealists, ANNETTE EUFEMIO, Miss Jordan, MARJORIE GEORGE, Yoshibe, I’m, MARY HAYES, Viola, Lois, Aunt Flossy, Frankye, DOUG MOURER, MANSON, Colleen, WENDY, Greenberg, Bach, MANUEL FIGALLO, Rita, HARRIET LISS, MARY EILEEN CONNERY McDONNELL, Wilma, Ella Fitzgerald, Judy Garland, MADLYN DICKENS, Dunn, —, Parkinson’s, I’ve, ” GENEVIEVE GEER, ANYA SANCHEZ, mami ”, Kitty ” —, KITTY CHACHRA Organizations: The Times, SOUTH, CANADA, Radio City Music Hall, Miss, Gloucester Cathedral, THE, The Locations: Macon , Ga, McLEAN , VA, Kansas City, Mo, New York, MONTCLAIR, N.J, France, Paris, SQUAMISH, Puerto Rican, PORTLAND, Cambridge, England, AUSTIN , TEXAS, LARCHMONT, MANILA, PHILIPPINES, BROOKLYN, N.Y, Japan, INDIANAPOLIS, Walla Walla, Wash, Northern Idaho, Swedish, Seattle, I’m, BELLINGHAM, ARLINGTON , VA, STAMFORD, CONN, GEORGETOWN, THE BRONX, MARATHON, Cava, Spain, BOULDER, COLO, India, Toronto, longhand, Delhi, WATERLOO , ONTARIO

☆ Sexually Transmitted Infections Have Surged, and Age Is No Barrier
▼ + stars: | 2024-05-03 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Amy is currently seeing a man she described as a “friend with benefits,” but it’s nothing she takes too seriously. What she does take seriously is talking to him — and every partner — about safe sex practices amid rising rates of sexually transmitted infections in seniors. “I’m very aware of it,” said Amy, who asked to use only her middle name to protect her privacy. “I require proof of negative testing before I become intimate with anyone.” She also insists on using a condom. Research suggests many older people are unaware of these risks, and that’s keeping them from adequate screening and practicing safer sex.

Persons: Amy, —, “, ” Organizations: Centers for Disease Control, Prevention, Research

☆ When the Pandemic Hit Home
▼ + stars: | 2024-03-12 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +11 min

The World Health Organization declared Covid-19 a pandemic on March 11, 2020 — but we all have our own memories of when normal life stopped. ASIA EDWARDS, 39, BLOOMFIELD, N.J.Johnna Wallace While driving to work at the beginning of the pandemic, I couldn’t help but wonder: Was this how I was going to die? I am an emergency room nurse. Scott McGlasson My 55-year-old wife was dying from metastatic breast cancer when the pandemic hit. WENDY LAMPARELLI, 57, RIDGEFIELD PARK, N.J.Ellen Blossom Our home was hit by a tornado on March 3.

Persons: Sheehan Fisher, Katie MacGregor, KATIE MacGREGOR, WHITING , MAINE Asia Edwards Covid, ASIA EDWARDS, Johnna Wallace, JOHNNA WALLACE, Julie DeJager, Tom Hanks, JULIE DeJAGER, CLEVELAND , OHIO Katherine Schwartz, Covid, it’ll, ”, Wanda, KATHERINE SCHWARTZ, Jean Martirez Barton, —, “, JEAN MARTIREZ BARTON, Lauren Alzos, I’d, LAUREN ALZOS, BROOKLYN Farah Alvin My, Chuck E, cupcakes, ” FARAH ALVIN, Vicky Fleming I’m, VICKY FLEMING, Scott McGlasson, SCOTT McGLASSON, MINNEAPOLIS Aisha McMillan, AISHA McMILLAN, BALTIMORE Melissa Manning, MELISSA MANNING, CITY Sarah Cornwell, SARAH CORNWELL, Christie Poulton, CHRISTIE POULTON, Wendy Lamparelli, WENDY LAMPARELLI, Ellen Blossom, ELLEN BLOSSOM, NASHVILLE Maryann Briggs, Jasmine, MARYANN BRIGGS, Matt Dominianni, MATT DOMINIANNI, Carrie Shanafelt, CARRIE SHANAFELT, BRONX Ali Jordahl, Terri Tilford, I’m immunocompromised, TERRI TILFORD, Tim Prendergast, TIM PRENDERGAST Organizations: World Health Organization, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, The Times, Costco, GREAT, BJ’s Wholesale, Broadway, CITY, NASHVILLE, Bronx ., BRONX, ALI, ATLANTA, TIM Locations: Mason City , Iowa, WHITING , MAINE Asia, BLOOMFIELD, N.J, DURHAM, CONN, CLEVELAND , OHIO, New Mexico, Chicago, Albuquerque, EVANSTON, Manhattan, BROOKLYN, P.P.E, GREAT BARRINGTON, MINNEAPOLIS, BALTIMORE, HILLSBORO, RIDGEFIELD PARK, Covid, BOULDER, COLO, Bronx, Atlanta, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF

☆ What Is Your Earliest Pandemic Memory?
▼ + stars: | 2024-03-07 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Remembering life in the earliest days of the pandemic shutdowns can feel like trying to conjure an apocalyptic dream: the empty streetscapes, the shrieking ambulances, the sudden scramble to find toilet paper and hand sanitizer. As the fourth anniversary of the Covid-19 pandemic approaches, The Times wants to know: When did the pandemic hit home for you? What do you remember thinking, feeling and seeing in those turbulent early days of March 2020? Do you still have photos on your camera roll from your first time wearing a mask, or heading to work as an essential employee while the rest of the world hunkered down? Or perhaps the reality of the pandemic came on suddenly, as you or a loved one got sick.

Persons: — Organizations: Times

☆ 100 Small Acts Of Love
▼ + stars: | 2024-02-13 | by ( Catherine Pearson | Melonyce Mcafee | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: 1 min

Sometimes love needs a grand gesture: a bouquet of roses or a big night out. But strong relationships also need regular care and attention, so we asked New York Times readers to tell us how they show their affection day-in and day-out, all year long. We heard from more than 1,300 of you, with stories of hot coffee, stolen kisses, full gas tanks, and daily sacrifices, small and large. Scroll down for 100 of our favorites, which have been edited for length and clarity. Please share your own examples in the comments.

Organizations: New York Times

☆ She Wrote a Best Seller on Women’s Sex Lives. Then Her Own Fell Apart.
▼ + stars: | 2024-01-18 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

A decade ago, as the sex educator Emily Nagoski was researching and writing her first book, “Come as You Are” — a soon-to-be best seller exploring the science of women’s sexuality — she and her husband stopped having sex. Nagoski began appearing everywhere, reassuring women that their sexuality was not a problem that needed to be solved or treated. She talked to the author Glennon Doyle and her wife, the soccer player Abby Wambach, about body image and shame on their podcast. She published a workbook to help women better understand their sexual temperament and sexual cues. “Like, how can I be an ‘expert’ — and I say that with heavy, heavy air quotes — and still be struggling in this way?”

Persons: Emily Nagoski, —, Nagoski, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Rich Stevens —, “, ” Nagoski, ’ — Organizations: TED Locations: Easthampton

☆ How to Avoid Family Drama This Holiday Season
▼ + stars: | 2023-11-20 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Whatever your kin’s particular brand of friction, having a game plan to avoid conflict or shut it down is a good idea. So we asked readers for the strategies they turn to when family relations get spicy. Hundreds wrote in offering tips, tricks and solidarity. We have a son with special needs, and family events have been challenging for years. It has been easier to be where we can control the environment and where we have a safe space.

Persons: ’, Stephanie Locations: Savannah, Ga

☆ Dating After 60: A Lot of Roses, Some Thorns
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-26 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

When Janet Ha, 65, first tried online dating in February, she found it “confusing and weird.”Her son’s 20-something ex helped her make a profile on Bumble, but all of her initial matches were focused on hooking up. “I had checked ‘something casual’ — because I didn’t think I was looking for a relationship — but I didn’t realize what that meant on Bumble,” Ms. Ha said, laughing. “I just did not want to have to take care of anybody anymore,” said Ms. Ha, a teacher from Minnesota who plans to retire in the spring of 2024. Dating among older Americans is in the spotlight thanks to the upcoming premiere of “The Golden Bachelor,” which follows Gerry Turner, a 72-year-old widower, on his quest to find a partner in a “Bachelor” spinoff show featuring singles age 60 and older. (Ideally, Mr. Turner has said, a “high-energy” partner who might like pickleball or golf.)

Persons: Janet Ha, “, ” Ms, Ha, ”, Gerry Turner, Turner Locations: Minnesota

☆ What Social Media Does to the Teen Brain
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-20 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

“This is really the first truly digital generation, and we have yet to see how much effect this has,” said Dr. Frances Jensen, a neurologist at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of “The Teenage Brain.”“We can get snapshots,” she added. What we know is that the brain matures from back to front, a process that starts in infancy and continues into adulthood, Dr. Jensen explained. And during adolescence, there is a particular flurry of activity in the middle part of the brain, which is associated with rewards and social feedback. “Areas that have to do with peers, peer pressure, impulsivity and emotion are very, very, very active,” Dr. Jensen said. (It’s “use it or lose it,” Dr. Jensen explained.)

Persons: ”, Frances Jensen, “, Jensen, Dr, Mitch Prinstein, ” Dr Organizations: University of Pennsylvania, American Psychological Association

Q: I split my workweek between home and a “hot desk”—basically, a timeshare cubicle—at my company’s headquarters. While I appreciate the camaraderie and free cold brew in the office, I have to admit that my bland, anonymous workstation really brings me down. Since it’s not mine 100% of the time, I can’t exactly set up house. But are there any little design tweaks that might make it feel less cell-like?

Persons: —

☆ Parenting Can Get Complicated When One Partner Is Away
▼ + stars: | 2023-09-07 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

The moment my husband walks through the door after traveling for work — something he does about a third of the year — is pandemonium. Caring for our kids while my husband travels is nothing at all like single parenting. During the years when he left me alone with our baby and toddler, I could still cry on the phone with him. When my husband is away, my two children and I are an efficient unit. He believes couples need to prioritize regular check-ins and explicitly “contract” household duties with each other, making their respective expectations and commitments clear.

Persons: pounce, “ Dada, Terrence Real, ”

☆ The Insidious Habit That Can Hurt Your Relationship
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-27 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

As relationship transgressions go, “phubbing” — a portmanteau of “phone” and “snubbing” — is, on the surface, fairly benign. A recent study linked higher levels of phubbing to marital dissatisfaction, and a 2022 study found it can lead to feelings of distrust and ostracism. One study found that those who phub a lot are more likely to be phubbed themselves, creating a kind of ripple effect. He said the issue comes up among the couples he works with on an almost weekly basis. Fortunately for most couples, it’s a relatively easy issue to fix, he said.

Persons: you’ve, ”, Anthony Chambers, Chambers Organizations: Family Institute, Northwestern University

☆ Reconsidering the Staycation
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-15 | by ( Melissa Kirsch | More About Melissa Kirsch | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

I’ve always been skeptical of the staycation. So I was intrigued to discover, thanks to my colleague Catherine Pearson, that I have been staycationing all wrong. Evidently, my tendency to stumble into time off without a plan is unlikely to produce a restorative effect. This weekend, you could, for instance, seek out some vegan ice cream that doesn’t taste terrible. You could try running in a pool, which is easier on the joints but as effective as running on land.

Persons: I’ve, van, Catherine Pearson, Jaime Kurtz, “, ”, we’re Organizations: James Madison University

☆ How to Make a Staycation Feel Like an Actual Break
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-08 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

It’s just a “little mental flip,” Dr. Kurtz said, but one that “can make the time feel precious.”Figure out what you crave from travel and try to recreate it. She recommends asking a similar question before a staycation: What can I bring into my home that can help give me those feelings? If you are spending your break with kids in tow, perhaps alternate who chooses activities so everyone has something to enjoy. So do what you can to heighten your sense of anticipation, Dr. Lyubomirsky said. “You don’t want to have an experience and immediately forget about it,” Dr. Lyubomirsky said.

Persons: It’s, Dr, Kurtz, Rose De Vore, De Vore, Sonja Lyubomirsky, ”, “, Lyubomirsky Organizations: Travel, Network, University of California Locations: Riverside

☆ How to Talk About Marital Unhappiness Before It’s Too Late
▼ + stars: | 2023-07-05 | by ( Catherine Pearson | More About Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Former Mayor Bill de Blasio of New York City and his wife, Chirlane McCray, announced that they were separating after nearly 30 years in an interview with The New York Times on Wednesday. Their story begins with an “aha” moment in the midst of what the article calls yet another “stale Saturday night of binge-watching television” together. “Why aren’t you lovey-dovey anymore?” Mr. de Blasio reportedly asked his wife, a question likely to feel familiar to anyone in a long-term relationship who has felt the slow fade of lust and excitement. Certainly the couple — who are not divorcing, and will continue to share the Brooklyn townhouse where they raised their children — have faced other complicating factors that extend far beyond humdrum weekend plans, among them the grueling pace of electoral politics and Mr. de Blasio’s failed presidential bid. Still, for those who see a kernel of themselves in the couple’s story, experts say there are simple but helpful questions to ask yourself and your partner before it is too late.

Persons: Bill de Blasio, Chirlane McCray, de Blasio, —, de Blasio’s Organizations: The New York Times, aha, Brooklyn Locations: New York City

☆ Let’s Talk About Sex Drive
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-30 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: 1 min

Hello, I’m Catherine Pearson, a reporter for The New York Times’s Well section, where I cover families and relationships. One topic I cover frequently is sex, which is an important (though under-discussed) aspect of overall health and well-being. I’m particularly interested in how people navigate the ebb and flow of sexual desire within long-term relationships. Researchers have found sex drive discrepancies are one of the most common reasons couples seek out therapy, and sex therapists believe many people don’t know where to turn for help if they are having problems related to sexual desire or function. So I would love to hear from you: Have you faced a sex drought within a relationship, or have you and a partner navigated mismatched sex drives?

Persons: I’m Catherine Pearson, I’m Organizations: The New, New York Times Locations: The New York

☆ How to Wean a Teen Off Social Media
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-29 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Jason Mahr’s eldest son was 13 years old when Mr. Mahr and his wife gave him access to social media, a decision the 44-year-old father of five regretted immediately. It became “like an addiction,” said Mr. Mahr, a student coach and former youth pastor who lives in Woodstock, Ga. His son was quickly swept up in seeking the approval of others online, Mr. Mahr said. He has since been more deliberate about how and when he lets his younger children start using social media, but backpedaling with his eldest has been difficult. Recently, the warnings around teens’ social media use have grown particularly loud, as both the U.S. surgeon general and the American Psychological Association have issued reports about the risk of harm to adolescents’ mental health. “This is what so many parents are struggling with, and it’s too bad we have to.”

Persons: Jason Mahr’s, Mahr, ”, “, ” Jean Twenge, — Organizations: American Psychological Association, Pew Research, Facebook Locations: Woodstock, Ga, U.S

☆ Life in the Throes of Postpartum Depression
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-27 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

But for many women, postpartum depression is shockingly isolating — a mix of sadness, hopelessness and overwhelm that stems not just from the hormonal tumult of pregnancy and the postpartum period, but from many other stressors, like a lack of paid leave, insufficient child care, and the staggering responsibility of caring for a new and helpless human. It affects one in eight new moms, and mental health struggles are a leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the United States, primarily from suicide and drug overdose. There are more treatment options for postpartum depression now than ever before, including the first medication designed specifically to treat it. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that about 20 percent of women were not asked about depression during a prenatal visit, and more than half of women with postpartum depression continue to go untreated. This spring, The New York Times spent time with four mothers who were then in the grips of postpartum depression.

Organizations: Disease Control, New York Times Locations: United States

☆ How to Talk to Someone With Alzheimer’s
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-23 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

The family of Jack Hanna, the celebrity zookeeper and media personality, has opened up about his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, offering an intimate look at the challenges of communicating with a man who no longer remembers who most of them are. “My husband is still in there somewhere,” Suzi Hanna, his wife of 54 years, told The Columbus Dispatch in a story that follows Mr. Hanna as he asks several dozen times if the dog has been fed. He also listens to a family conversation, unaware that his daughter is discussing the pain of being forgotten by him. Alzheimer’s disease, which is the most common form of dementia, affects 6.7 million adults over 65 years old in the United States. It not only slowly destroys a person’s memory but also diminishes communication skills, eroding the ability to understand the meanings of words or to find the right ones.

Persons: Jack Hanna, Suzi Hanna, Hanna, Brent P, Forester, “ Organizations: Columbus Dispatch, Tufts Medical Center Locations: United States, Boston

☆ Let Kids Get Bored. It’s Good for Them.
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-19 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

But the reality is that boredom is “normal, natural and healthy,” said Dr. Westgate, whose research focuses on what boredom is, why people experience it and what happens when they do. “Guarding kids from ever feeling bored is misguided in the same way that guarding kids from ever feeling sad, or ever feeling frustrated, or ever feeling angry is misguided,” she said. One way parents can help children, particularly younger ones, learn to manage boredom is to work with them on developing what Dr. Westgate called greater emotional granularity. For instance, you can help them to distinguish between feeling sad or bored. “Name it to tame it,” a phrase coined by the psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a technique many child development experts use to help children identify their feelings.

Persons: ”, Westgate, Dan Siegel, Katie Hurley, “

☆ How to Have a ‘Sexual State of the Union’
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-12 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Work, kids, health — countless factors can get in the way of good sex. But Emily Morse, a sex educator, believes one roadblock tends to loom larger than the others. “Most of the sexual problems in our relationships have nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with communication,” Ms. Morse writes in her new book, “Smart Sex.”Addressing intimacy isn’t always easy, she acknowledged: “Conversations around sex are not normalized at all.” But Ms. Morse’s raison d’être across her various platforms is to encourage people to talk openly about sex — to identify what they want, and to learn how to say it. She has a long-running podcast, “Sex With Emily,” and more than 500,000 followers on Instagram, where she explores a variety of topics, from the best sex toys to confidence in the bedroom. A 2021 article in The New York Times likened Ms. Morse, who studied at the now-defunct Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, to the iconic Dr. Ruth.

Persons: Emily Morse, Ms, Morse, “ Smart, Emily, ”, Ruth Organizations: New York Times, Institute Locations: Instagram

☆ The Lifelong Gift of Sibling Friendship
▼ + stars: | 2023-06-05 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Sisters Audrey Findlay, 75, and Barbara Rowe, 63, start every weekday with an 8 a.m. phone call. An hour or so later, they head to work together at Findlay Rowe, the gift shop they opened 12 years ago. (Previously, they worked at the same health care company for 13 years, where Ms. Findlay was the general manager and Ms. Rowe was the payroll manager.) At 5 or 6 p.m., the sisters leave work and head to their homes — four houses apart. The sisters do have their arguments, as would be expected from two people who frequently spend the bulk of their days together.

Persons: Audrey Findlay, Barbara Rowe, Findlay Rowe, Findlay, Rowe, Ms

☆ How Parents Can Actually Help Teens Navigate Social Media
▼ + stars: | 2023-05-15 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +2 min

Dr. Gray added that teens might push back against these types of boundaries, particularly if parents were trying to enforce them retroactively. “Even though they may still have an emotional reaction.”Help teens understand how social media affects their brains. So teens “are really acting with a very highly active social brain, which is making them very vulnerable to peer pressure” as well as to novelty seeking, she said. Dr. Jensen urged parents to talk to their kids about these brain changes and how they make them particularly vulnerable to some of the more negative effects of social media. All of the content, feedback and stimulation available online “is highly accessible to kids right when their social brain is developing,” she said, describing it as a “perfect storm.”Ask: “Do you feel like you have control over social media, or do you feel like it’s controlling you?”That question is particularly effective at gauging whether a teen’s social media use has become problematic, said Jeff Hancock, the founding director of the Stanford Social Media Lab.

☆ How to Help a Teen Who Can’t Sleep
▼ + stars: | 2023-05-08 | by ( Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

With packed schedules, school days that kick off at 8 a.m. and the lure of screens, it’s little wonder that many adolescents in the United States don’t get enough sleep. And more than one in five adolescents grapple with insomnia, characterized by problems falling asleep, staying asleep or getting sufficient quality sleep (or some combination thereof). “There are two basic things that happen” when teens hit puberty, said Dr. Judith Owens, the director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital. “The first is that there’s a shift in their natural circadian rhythms, so their natural fall asleep time and wake time shift later — by up to a couple of hours. The second thing that happens is their sleep drive slows.” So not only do adolescents want to stay up later, but their bodies are actually capable of doing so, she explained.

☆ A New Breast Pumping Law Has Gone Into Effect. Here’s What It Means.
▼ + stars: | 2023-05-03 | by ( Alisha Haridasani Gupta | Catherine Pearson | ) www.nytimes.com time to read: +1 min

Last week, expanded protections for nursing mothers, officially known as the Providing Urgent Maternal Protections for Nursing Mothers Act, or PUMP Act, went into full effect, giving more workers the right to break time and a private space to pump. Building on a 2010 law, which compelled employers to provide breastfeeding accommodations, the PUMP Act was introduced in Congress in 2021. Support grew last summer amid the baby formula shortage and after the American Academy of Pediatrics issued new guidelines that support breastfeeding for two years or more. “Part of the reason for that is that if you’re not emptying your breasts regularly, your milk supply goes down. And if your milk supply goes down, gradually, breastfeeding ceases.”

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